Can I Get Fries with that Asperger's?

No? Well, how about a side order of ADHD with a sprinking of small motor problems? Awesome!!

Okay...just to catch you up: the very next day after this post, the school called me at 9:30 to tell me that Jeffrey had BITTEN the para-pro and that he'd be suspended until the IEP meeting (basically the meeting to determine whether or not Jeffrey qualified for special ed services.) When I went to the school to pick him up, I handed a report that said that the para-pro had tried "proximity control" and held Jeffrey's hand during which time he bit the fire out of her. Now. I'm not saying it's okay that he bit the woman, because I'm not keen on having Dracula for a child. However, the whole "proximity control" had been "tried" for two weeks solid and had produced a lot of Jeffrey trying to sink his fangs into her. The poor frazzled woman was trying to do what was easy (hanging on to him so that he couldn't touch the other kids) instead of what worked (and was harder, because it involved interacting with Jeffrey instead of containing him.) I don't blame her, but the situation was still unacceptable for all parties involved.

So Jeffrey and I chilled at home for a couple of weeks, working on the strategies Dr. Wondermous had given us, building up to the IEP meeting. At the meeting, we got the results of the psychological evaluation the school had given him (ADHD, Asperger's, ODD) and were also told that he dragged his left foot and didn't use his left hand as much as his right hand, which struck us as a bunch of crap, namely because the kid is ambidextrous and uses his left hand like a champ. The school psychologist did agree with us that the whole "grabbing Jeffrey by the hand to keep him under control" thing was a pile of horse shit and further expounded that unless better measures were taken, Jeffrey wouldn't last in the Pre-K, meaning he would be kicked out due to aggression. It was decided that Jeffrey would be "given" a paraprofessional who would be trained to help him deal with his problems and that his hours at school would be cut down to two a day. We waited two weeks and then he went back.

Now, here's where the frustration starts again. It's not as frustrating as the original frustration, which made me cry and feel desperate and depressed. It's still frustrating. A couple of days into Jeffrey's readmittance to school, the itinerate behavioral specialist came to work with Jeffrey and the para-pro. When I spoke with her after his "day," she told me that she didn't see much that wasn't normal four-year-old behavior, and certainly wasn't seeing the aggression that his teachers and the administration had been telling me about. Ooookaaaayyy. She said we would focus on normal social interaction: i.e., not putting his hands on people, not hugging folks all the time, learning how to share, etc. Cool deal.

A couple of weeks went by. The para-pro, about whom I had had reservations because she was so reticent, wound up being awesome. Jeffrey loves her and she loves him. Whenever I mention ADHD or Asperger's, she says, "He's four." And even though I know she isn't clinically trained, it still gives me pause. At one point in time, a situation came up in which Jeffrey put his feet on another kid. He didn't kick the kid, he just stuck his foot out and put it on the other kid's foot. The teacher? Reported that Jeffrey had kicked the kid. The para-pro went to the principal and straightened it out, but now I'm thinking, "Was this what was happening all along? Is he just doing the touching thing and his inexperienced teacher is covering her ass a little too stringently?"

Then we had testing done by a psychologist recommended to us by Dr. Wondermous. Guess what? ADHD and mild Asperger's. At this point in time, I wanted to say, "Duh." But I didn't. He also revealed to us that Jeffrey can't hold a pencil right (which we knew) and that his verbal IQ is 132. Holy shit. He recommended occupational therapy for the pencil stuff and that we come back in a couple of weeks to work out some therapy. Groovy.I went back home and started looking things up about Asperger's and ADHD. Y'all. Asperger's is serious. It involves things like interest in objects to the point of obsession. Lack of expression in voice and gesture. Impaired imagination. Lack of sense of humor. Discomfort with being touched. Inability to be spontaneous. Adolescent depression. But...BUT...these things don't fit my kid. Okay, look. He loves bugs. He knows a lot about bugs. He will read a catalog until it falls apart. He is all about candy to the point where he'll talk about it nonstop until you want to just cram a Butterfinger in his mouth and tell him to shut up. But he doesn't know all of a bug's parts. He doesn't know migration or sexual habits of invertebrates, which many kids with Asperger's would. When he tells a story, his eyebrows waggle, he'll open his eyes wide, he gestures like a madman, he lowers his voice to a whisper in suitably scary spots. He told me a story last night during bathtime involving our cat's adventures in Kittyville, complete with a cameo by Grandma Kitty, who was orange and wore an apron and worked in the Meow Fish Snack Store and made Brownie Bites with Whisker sauce. He laughs out loud when he sees something funny on television. The boy can't stop hugging or kissing or loving on people. Sometimes he's TOO spontaneous, like when he dropped his drawers to pee on the playground, or when he asked a little girl at the fair to swim with him in the fish pond.

So when one of the APs told me we needed to have a meeting to discuss the diagnosis for legal purposes and make sure his needs were met, I was flummoxed. I KNOW my kid isn't always "right." I know that it's very important to be an advocate for him and make sure that his issues don't hold him back in a school setting. I am ssoooooo grateful for the assistance he's being given. But more and more, I'm wondering if this diagnosis is going to be a hurdle for him. I don't want future teachers to read his file and get an idea that he's something that he's not. I don't want him to be treated for things that aren't a problem for him. I'm not sure if medication is right for him for the ADHD, particularly as people at school are telling me that they aren't seeing any symptoms.

Argh!!!!I know I have to be calm and cool and make sure I articulate well our concerns with his treatment both at the school and at the doctors. But to be honest, it's really taxing. I know it's just talking, but it gets exhausting. Talking to his teacher, his parapro, the special ed coordinator at the school, and the AP often results in four different opinions. The psychiatrist is pretty adamant about drugs, and we're not sure we want him to have them. Having to tell friends and family, "No, it isn't just that he's smart (precocious, bored, a little boy). He has blah blah blah" is a drag, particularly when you know they don't buy it.

I wouldn't trade my boy in for anything. I love every quirk. I'm not crazy about the temper tantrums or the diatribes on gumballs, but they're just part of him. But sometimes...sometimes...I wish it were easier.