About a Boy

I don't usually write about Will on "I'm Not Hannah." I might mention him in passing or note something funny he said, but I am hesitant to ever devote an entire entry to him or our marriage. I've read other blogs which do this, and while that's all well and good for them (and while I enjoy a voyeuristic peek into others' lives), it doesn't feel right for us. My husband is a private man, one who loathes airing dirty laundry in public and who, I'm sure, is often made squirmy by my tell-all attitude.

But. Today is our anniversary and as I think back on the nine years of our marriage and the almost fourteen years we've shared together, I can't help but feel that he deserves some cyberspace.

I met Will when I was eighteen-years-old. I was just beginning to figure out who I was and what I wanted. I think back on that goofy, flighty, indecisive, silly little girl and wonder what in the world Will saw in me that made him think I was the one for him. Not that he was Mr. Solid Upright Citizen Man at that point in time. The first year of our association was alcohol- and drama-soaked, played out in smoky rooms and cars rolling down country highways and on the front steps of Park Hall at UGA. When we got everything sorted out, being his girlfriend was like one constant ball o' fun. We had a close group of friends and we played hard together and it was like a big fat party most of the time. Then we got married.

Marriage, in case you were wondering, is not a big fat party most of the time. When you take two people out of a group of people and say, "Live together for the rest of your life," it does a whammy on the couple. We've had some rough spots and some smooth spots and some spots that felt like we were going to fly off the face of the planet, but I can honestly look back on the time I've spent with my husband and turn around eagerly to face the future.

Now, because I'm so fond of lists, here's one I'll call "Reasons I Love The Boy".

1. He's a good man. He tries so hard to do the right thing all the time. He's not perfect and it frustrates him, which causes him to be a poo sometimes. There have been times when I've missed the boy that he was, but after this year, I don't think I'll do that anymore. The boy of the past wouldn't have been able to handle what Will has handled this year with so much grace and strength. The steadiness he's shown has been a gift to me, especially when I'm falling apart. He has never given up, never faltered, even when I know he was breaking into pieces inside.
2. He's a good daddy. This wouldn't have been on my list of "Reasons I Love The Boy" when we were younger. I couldn't imagine him as a father then. But the way he loves Jeffrey is so strong and deep and true that I can't imagine him as NOT a father now. He honestly enjoys Jeffrey's company. He makes up games to play with him and has put aside so many biases and beliefs to help Jeffrey manuever through some of the stuff he's going through right now. And he loves The Squishums. When I express doubt about the new life coming into our family, he puts my doubts to rest.
3. He makes me laugh more than anybody I know. For such a reticent person, he does some damn goofy stuff. He says things that nobody else would think of in the most calm, rational tone that it's impossible to keep a straight face.
4. He puts up with me. Seriously, living with me is a pain in the ass. I can be bitchy, demanding, whining, wavering, messy, emotional, cold, angry, listless, and unreasonable all in a twenty-minute period. He demands more of me. He wants me to be the best me I can be and even though it pisses me off sometimes when he calls me on it, I'm so thankful to him for loving me enough to do it.
5. He loves me. Oh, that boy loves me so. He's loved me for a long time. He's loved me through dumbass girliness and nicotine withdrawal, pregnancies and losses, births and deaths, freezes and air conditioning breakdowns. He's seen me at my ugliest and thinks I'm beautiful. He believes in me. I can't imagine anybody loving me the way he does.

I hope when he reads this, he isn't embarrassed. I hope he doesn't think it's cheesy or too personal. The thing is, y'all, I love him so much that I want everybody to know it. Consider this my way of yelling it from the rooftops.

Happy Anniversary, baby.